🤚 Hanging Out 👉 DATING

Week Five:

Preparing For Marriage

     Wow, well this week was certainly one that I will never forget. I think the material and discussions that I took part in this week were obviously very important, and I intend on applying everything that I learned, but overall, I just had fun learning from my wise teacher and my class. 

     So, what subject could have me so interested and entertained, well, in short, it’s dating! Yes, this week we talked all about dating, which seemed rather appropriate being the week of Valentines. I learned all sorts of practical applications to help ensure that dating can turn into appropriate and meaningful relationships. As a disclosure, I was way off the mark when it came to my thoughts on how to date and what to do prior to this lesson. But after reconsidering how I date; I am converting to this new way of dating and I’m excited to applying it.

     Firstly, I want to throw myself under the bus as a poor example of an attempt to foster relationships. All throughout my young adulthood I figured that If someone wanted to get a girlfriend/boyfriend it took a few steps. I figure that if you like someone then you should spend as much time around them as possible to get to know them, this can be considered as ‘hanging out’. After you hang out enough, and if you take to each other as friends, then move onto flirting, kissing, touching etc. Then as these processes take root and you become inseparable then the relationship will be long lasting and amazing. This makes sense, right? Well it turns out I am SOOO far from the truth.

      Unfortunately, this is how poor relationships are made that are destined to have a lot of issues and potential of splitting. I learned this week that there is a matrix of sorts that writes out different parts of relationship courting and dating and how they should be prioritized. I also learned the proper process of dating to ensure that this matrix doesn’t go out of order.

      In my scenario above, the first major issue that is presented is the idea of hanging out in a casual setting to become more acquainted. It seems harmless and simple, but that’s the issue. In the LDS church, there is a senior apostle and leader that shared his thoughts on dating to a group of young single adults. He shared that dates should always contain three elements; they should be paid for, they should be paired off, and they should be planned. Hanging out usually doesn’t account for any of these things and because it lacks the formal dating structure, it can lead to feelings of disengagement and being casual between parties instead of a formal way to get to know someone romantically. 

      If a date is planned out by a man, paid for, and paired off then there is less potential for things to go in a sour direction. Men in the dating scene have a responsibility to preside and protect from danger, sometimes these dangers can come from within the couple and dating properly can help limit that. If a couple hangs out casually and finds themselves bored, I promise that they are more likely to begin touching and kissing, especially if they are alone in private settings. Men need to take the initiative and make dating special and a place for thoughts to be shared, feelings to be expressed, and trust to be built. Not just a hot make out.

      In the matrix that I discussed above the touching aspect of a relationship needs to come in last while dating. To know someone is actually the most important thing that should come first. So, to know someone, how does that work? Well there is another simple formula that I learned about and it helps people to get to know their partner deeply without any casual silliness. It’s total time spent around each other ( non-casually ), having shared experiences ( a large breadth of them ), and talking ( really opening up ). Real quality dating can help all of these along and foster a better more secure relationship.

      There is so much that I could discuss this week, but I’m limited for space. I hope something here struck you and made an impact. I for sure have changed in my thought pattern already.

      As a final note, of you want to learn more there is a book that we discussed in class that coves the matrix I discussed called ‘How Not To Fall In Love With a Jerk’ it sounds great and I already ordered my copy on Amazon. Look it up! It may make all the difference for your romantic life. 

      Peace! 

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