Democracy in the Home

Week Eleven:

Parenting

This week we met as a class online for our lessons and discussions, it was different, but I still felt engaged and got so much out of it! I really liked the topics we discussed too even though I have never parented someone before I felt like there was some useful substance that I can pull from so one day when I am a father, I can do a good job raising them. I even learned a little more about myself and my own upbringing. I think the lessons shed some light on the way I am the way I am, and why my parents did what they did. I think I found some good examples in their parenting, and I also found some poor spots that may have caused harm. But that’s the great part about learning from other people’s efforts! You can take the best that they had and add upon it to make your own amazing way of going about life. 

To kick this blog off I want talk about an amazing finding that was introduced to me. A man named Michael Popkin came up with his own definition of what a parent’s role is in a child’s life. He taught that parents role is to do or teach the following:

-       Protecting (from danger; from themselves, from others,   physical, spiritual)

-       Preparing (for life, that they would be ready for whatever comes up)

-       Surviving (to get through hardships gracefully)

-       Thriving (to fully enjoy the highs)

The two first make sense as a parent but the difference between surviving and thriving is profound. Surviving is crucial as a child grows into maturity and they will require all the correct personality skills and abilities to make it in the world by themselves. But thriving is teaching kids how to really enjoy the fullness of life and see the joy in all things. To see the hidden gems in all points of life.

When I was growing up my parents were strict and led me with a heavy hand. Maybe as a child I felt this but in hindsight they really were dictators and treated me like a pawn instead of an individual. I blame their behavior primarily on the fact that I was the oldest of their children and they really had no idea how to run a household with crazy kids running around. But that’s okay, I have seen how this doesn’t always work out in a child’s interest and now know there are other ways to raise a kid.

The point here is that there are different ways that parents raise children. Some like my own parents were in the monarchy type role ( which has been used for much of history ). Others use a democratic way of raising children, which is really beneficial in helping children grown into their own strengths and traits that will help them survive. The key to choosing the correct method is to look at the current society that we currently live in and considering what we all live with. If the world is democratized and all we do is teach kids to obey and work and listen to orders, when they reach adulthood they will be at a severe disadvantage and will struggle in a system that is different than his childhood.

I have absolutely seen this in my life. My parents really cared about me and wanted me to become this great successful man that would go onto be a great scholar and make a ton of money or whatever. They just forced me to do a lot of things because they thought down the road it would make me happy and I would be better off. They weren’t wrong in some regards and those things would indeed help me grow into a successful person. But my parents probably didn’t consider was that I was a very sharp, self-disciplined, stubborn, independent kid that wanted to do what I wanted to do. I would look around at other kids and situations and think I want to make those choices, I want those freedoms, but I was held back so much. I then rebelled and everything opposite of my parents’ wishes, just to feel a sense of control. 

See how this can backfire? My relationship with them became more estranged and I left when I was seventeen. I was desperate for control and they were desperate for control, there was no compromise. But in adulthood I have learned that I do need to cooperate with people and try to work in a democratic society. I have been reverse engineering myself so I can be a better man. 

SO, moral of the story parents, match society.