Doing Marriage Prep Right

Week Six:

Transitions in Marriage

      This week we learned about the transition into marriage and what we could expect when being newlyweds or approaching marriage. I can for sure tell you that I was out of my element and could not relate to a lot of the things being presented ( because I’m not married yet ) but I was engrossed and learned a lot of valuable things that can happen along with transitioning into a new marriage and you can bet that I’ll be paying very close attention to accomplishing these things as I prepare for my own marriage. 

      So, my teacher taught us in the beginning of our class that marriage is often like shooting off a cannon at the beginning, It’s an interesting analogy and in my mind it’s accurate. A lot of noise and drama, with often some smoke clearing after the ceremonies and formalities are finished. But there is more to the story. When a couple shoots off a new marriage it’s hard to change the results of where its pointing after it has gone off. Making sure where we aim, and the plan is vital to ensure a happy marriage and a lasting courtship. So how can people ensure they are pointed in the right way as they get ready for this new journey together? Well there is an absolute plethora of things and practices, but I’ll focus on a few.

      I think the first and most common-sense thing that can be performed to ensure that a marriage is pointed in the right direction is to first date correctly and avoid many of the common pitfalls and areas of concern. Like I discussed last week, this means taking time to get to know one another and slowly build up a relationship building trust, and really being intentional with your desires and boundaries. If dating is done well, then the marriage will be done well. Often times habits like not formally dating and just hanging out casually will continue in marriage just because it’s common and expected. So, don’t do anything in dating that would potentially hurt the relationship and don’t do anything that you don’t want to continue into marriage. 

      Next when it comes to the proposal in our world today especially up here at my college where there are young students constantly getting engaged there is a lack of formality and desire for this big step. What gives? It’s only a formality, right? I know a guy in one of my classes that was wearing a ring. He never proposed. Apparently, the couple just bought rings and pushed out their wedding day for another year, after dating for two years already. This is obviously common, but is there any adverse side effects of getting engaged this way? Well I learned yes! When a man doesn’t formally buy a ring of his choice, propose in a way that’s his choice, and show his willingness to commit at that moment to the bride to be and the marriage, then the marriage might start off with some shallow feelings. 

      Also speaking of starting off on the right foot, the thing that can either break a young marriage prematurely or cause some extreme stress and issues later on would be the topic of a wedding. 

Weddings are often huge elaborate events that pull in massive amounts of investment capital. 

Dresses, event planners, matching tuxes, it all adds up. Actually the ‘average’ wedding in America is reported to cost around 30k. Some older couples that come from a common financially comfortable situation would not blink at spending some of their wealth on an elaborate marriage ceremony, but in many cases people that get married are usually young, and broke. If a couple is young and broke there are some options on paying for the wedding of their dreams, but the accruement of such a large sum of money doesn’t come without its stipulations and stressors. A couple could take out a massive loan and prepare to take the brunt of it right after they finish college and are getting established. This in theory seems possible, but the consequences could be detrimental. Will a massive debt come a massive workload? The time that is needed to bond and overcome the first year or two of marriage becomes swept away as the couple works double time to pay back debt and continue to live. This can spell trouble. Well what about a gift from mom and dad, that seems like a good deal. Well money won’t come without some attached expectations of repayment. Whether that’s with loyalties and pressure or debt, no matter how someone slices it an expensive wedding often will make marriages become tense and stressed. 

So do it right, be smart and prepare. Transitioning can be a joy when done right.