Hard Times Happen

Week Eight:

Family Under Stress, Crisis
  This week I plan on writing this blog a little differently than I normally do. Instead of writing about what I learned and the concepts that were presented to me in class, I want to share some personal experiences that were in line with the things that we learned. This week we talked about stuff that was close to my heart and life, probably because unlike being married and dating regularly I’m used to dealing with family issues and crises and have learned to navigate them, with more finesse and strength than I used to.

      I want to first point out that stress and some issues that arise in the family are usually a good thing and invite families to stretch and grow beyond their current circumstances. Without hard times families would never grow closer and overcome obstacles. But sometimes stressors can be so great that families can often strain and break under the pressure. These are events like death, divorce, unemployment.

     Ever since I was young, I have been around adults that struggle with crises. I observed as my mother and father divorced when I was young and saw some detrimental things happen in their lives, tears shed, anger, blame. Their situation I’m sure was not a special case, but it still gave me some insights. The two young married people were afraid to continue to be together and struggled to connect, they made attempts to work it out but inevitably their desires spread. Unfortunately, I was stuck in the middle of this and was about to be in between a foreseeable strained relationship, but I also saw something great happen. 

     Although my parents divorced, they soon remarried and approached their second marriage with a new level of patience and understanding. Because of the hard stressors that were involved my folks were willing to be better and focus on their weaknesses in their next marriage. Both my father and mother remarried and are very happy in their relationships. 

The divorce was unfortunate, but the outcome blessed their lives down the road.

     A little later into my life I was faced with some situations that involved something closer to my heart and became a crisis that pertained directly to me. A few years ago, I dealt with the death of a family member and didn’t know how to react. When I look back, I believe I was frozen and in shock especially because this person was one of my parents. I had never faced anything like this before, I was questioning many things in my life. Will I see this person again? What does this mean for my family? Oh man, let me tell you about how my family reacted… They had never been through something as shocking as this as well. They reacted poorly. Every person was blaming another, yelling ensued, poor relationships completely broke. Chaos followed and completely enveloped everyone’s lives. 

     I had never dealt with anything remotely as stressful as this. Normally when I had a stressful moment in life, I would avoid it or get away. But this, was in my face and I couldn’t walk around, crawl under, or run from this monument of stress. I broke, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I felt as though I was backed into a wall and had to fight or come to some sort of agreement on how I would sort this out. 

     So, I felt the pain, I reached out to family, I did a lot of things that would be considered helpful through the gospel of Jesus Christ. And, you know what? I overcame it, I learned to use resources and change how I thought about it. I became stronger and more tenacious because of this incredibly stressful situation. And looking back, I would never wish this on anyone, and to say it was a blessing would be demeaning. But I can say that I’ve become strong. I’m strong and know that when another situation that arises in my life, big or strong, I can say “I’ve been here before, I know how to process this, I know family can remain strong despite the circumstances.”

      When crises happen, we are all faced with a choice. Some are given the choice early in life, like I did, others later in life. But I know without a doubt that we have been given all the resources and tools we need to overcome almost anything and to choose to keep it together. To choose to strengthen our families despite all the harshest circumstances. This is where strength lies, in making those best choices when it's never easy.