Don't get the Divorce!

Week Twelve:

Divorce, Split-families, and Remarriage

     This week was all on divorce, remarriage, and blending families. I was glad to look into the text on what is recommended for making the best out of a divorce or a split family situation, but instead I found a lot of evidence that reconfirms just how hard it can be. Of course, people are making it in families where there are some un-traditional family structures, I mean look at how many children are born into a family without a father, but that’s not ideal.

     I’m speaking from experience here when I say there are other ways to get around a potential divorce or split. My parents divorced when I was only two and I was toted around as a little kid on dates as my father and mother began searching for a spouse. As an adult I’ve asked my parents and their spouses how dating went between them and they almost always bring up the fact that I was around as a little kid made the new marriage decision easier and more meaningful.  I think as people know there is already a small family within, they feel a desire to help the single parent and be in that traditional parental role. 

     That’s at least what I was told by my stepmom, but my stepdad was a different story. He really didn’t warm up to me, even when I was just a little kid. I was always a sore spot of contention between my stepdad and mother. When I hear stories, it makes me sad to hear how much they ‘thought’ kids were being an issue, but instead they just had their own issues in the first place. It has become obvious to me that split families especially where parents juggle kids between each other with custody issues and parenting decisions can really struggle in other areas because of the split stress, but it’s not the fault of the kid, and if the kid does act out it’s more of a parenting issue than the result of a split relationship. 

     The greatest realization that I had coming out of this whole situation, and after reading the text this week I realized that there are numerous benefits of avoiding split, divorce, etc. in the first place. It almost always makes life harder and is often not worth it. I learned this week that after a split many people said that they would rather have made it work in the first place, and they believe that they could have made it work. I think this is due to the fact that wishing for a separation or divorce often comes out of a bad situation when emotions and thoughts may not be in the best place and taking time (sometimes a long time, years) they may actually work through those issues instead of just running away from the situation and causing irreparable damage.

     I also realized that some couples when faced with issues and may be facing divorce may choose to split up instead of divorcing right away to see if they may resolve their issues instead of just ending it all. But! The sad thing is splitting up is almost like a mini divorce and statistically couples that split are much more likely to actually divorce. Obviously not always the intention but an unfortunate side effect.

     The moral of the story here is divorce is not always the answer to the issues that face couples in trouble, it for sure is hardly in the best interest of any kids or other members of the family. Along with it is always a guarantee of an issue in one form or another. So, when considering how to get out of hard marriage or relationship first make the hardest decision and look into your own behavior and contributions to the issue and address what you’re doing wrong. This is going to be harder than actually divorcing, initially, but it will always make you the bigger better version of yourself that can and will contribute to a stronger happier family.