Family Rules, Roles, and Theoreticals

Week Two: 

Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories


 Hey family and friends!

      I hope your week has been spectacular and filled with love. I'm glad that you've taken some time to read my weekly blog post. My hopes are that I may teach and learn new information with you that we may both grow in knowledge together. Today I'll share some of the amazing insight I learned this week from the material I read, and the discussions that I participated in. I hope you enjoy and see the eternal truths behind this trove of information. God bless.

      So this week was all about the theories that have been made by professionals psychologists and family study professionals to help identify how families operate and sustain themselves. There are four different theories that I read on, they are; Exchange Theory, Conflict Theory, Symbolic Interaction Theory, and the Family System Theory. Each on of these explains the family dynamic in a way that is so familiar that it's almost exposing or revealing when considering how accurate it can be to your own personal situation. I think that's the fun and benefit of studying the family though! Having all the parts exposed good and bad, and understanding how to improve or how you have improved.

      Out of these four theories, I want focus on the family system theory because as I studied it, it became a literal gold mine of information. Consider for starters a system that operates in a homeostatic manner and can adjust to varying conditions or inputs, like a car, or an air conditioning system. These are engineered to adapt and not quit when things change through time, they always adjust to new situations. Like those examples a family is also a system with moving parts that are interrelated and constantly changing. The family system may not have a switch like an air conditioner, but it will respond to stimuli as it's presented. The way a family reaches homeostasis is through established rules and regulations developed between the different members of that family. These can be known as meta-rules and they determine how everyone should act in most situations. From an outside view most families have small little rules that the members hold each other to. I.e. no elbows on the table, no swearing, everyone attends church. The family system operates as everyone adheres to those principles. If someone stops or goes around the rules, the family will need to change or break some old habits to regain that proper homeostasis.

      So why is this so important to you or I? Well, get this, every family and individual is different! Gasp. I know right! 

      It's crucial to understand that people grow up in homes where rules are particular to their situation. In my life I was always expected to avoid shopping on Sundays for example. It was a rule that came culturally and our family adopted it. When I grew into adulthood and had roommates and friends that would invite me to go to the mall or snowboard on Sunday I would have to say, "No I can't do that, that's a rule that is important to me." Why would I choose to follow this rule even as an individual that can think for himself? Well because it was a meta rule that effected my family system that I adopted through life. It is almost unthinkable to consider breaking that because it's part of ME.

       Understanding this is so vital for everyone. When two families are merge into one for example, through marriage or other means. All individuals will be faced with a new set of rules, dynamics, personalities and growth. So, when each side learns the new rules that the new members held dear, it is vital to respect and try to understand where they are coming from. Eventually, I believe that new difficult situations will blow over, new rules will form, and the systems homeostasis will return. 

       It's crazy how much just a theory can change perception or attitude. I know my ideas on how a family works have changed drastically from this information. I now have more patience with my roommates and feel more understanding considering other peoples rules and boundaries. It has become easier for me to recognize and adhere to other peoples rules as a sign of respect and hopes of homeostasis. I hope that each of you can enjoy the fruit that can come from a better understanding of these topics. I tried to do them justice in my own incomplete way, but you can read more into these topics in the book‘Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy’ by Lauer & Lauer. 

        Thanks again for reading, love ya'll. 😊

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Communication is Everything

Week Nine: Communication tools are the best!      Communication: the key to success. T hat is success in relationships, which is overall the most valuable area to be successful in.      At the heart of every message conveyed, every close relationship, and every desire to communicate lies an unseen normalcy of communication that is as complex as it is beautiful. When everyone communicates, they use intricate ways of forming a message and use a tool or plethora of tools to convey their message over to a receiving party. These are considered different communication media. These could be texting, body language, talking, etc. After someone formulates the message that they desire to convey, they send it in the best way they can, and then it’s up to the receiving party to actually decode this message and respond in their own way. This is actually how all communication happens in all forms.      As this came to my mind, I’ve thought that...
Read more

Doing Marriage Prep Right

Week Six: Transitions in Marriage       This week we learned about the transition into marriage and what we could expect when being newlyweds or approaching marriage. I can for sure tell you that I was out of my element and could not relate to a lot of the things being presented ( because I’m not married yet ) but I was engrossed and learned a lot of valuable things that can happen along with transitioning into a new marriage and you can bet that I’ll be paying very close attention to accomplishing these things as I prepare for my own marriage.        So, my teacher taught us in the beginning of our class that marriage is often like shooting off a cannon at the beginning, It’s an interesting analogy and in my mind it’s accurate. A lot of noise and drama, with often some smoke clearing after the ceremonies and formalities are finished. But there is more to the story. When a couple shoots off a new marriage it’s hard to change the results of w...
Read more

Don't get the Divorce!

Week Twelve: Divorce, Split-families, and Remarriage      This week was all on divorce, remarriage, and blending families. I was glad to look into the text on what is recommended for making the best out of a divorce or a split family situation, but instead I found a lot of evidence that reconfirms just how hard it can be. Of course, people are making it in families where there are some un-traditional family structures, I mean look at how many children are born into a family without a father, but that’s not ideal.      I’m speaking from experience here when I say there are other ways to get around a potential divorce or split. My parents divorced when I was only two and I was toted around as a little kid on dates as my father and mother began searching for a spouse. As an adult I’ve asked my parents and their spouses how dating went between them and they almost always bring up the fact that I was around as a little kid made the new marriage decis...
Read more