Family Rules, Roles, and Theoreticals

Week Two: 

Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories


 Hey family and friends!

      I hope your week has been spectacular and filled with love. I'm glad that you've taken some time to read my weekly blog post. My hopes are that I may teach and learn new information with you that we may both grow in knowledge together. Today I'll share some of the amazing insight I learned this week from the material I read, and the discussions that I participated in. I hope you enjoy and see the eternal truths behind this trove of information. God bless.

      So this week was all about the theories that have been made by professionals psychologists and family study professionals to help identify how families operate and sustain themselves. There are four different theories that I read on, they are; Exchange Theory, Conflict Theory, Symbolic Interaction Theory, and the Family System Theory. Each on of these explains the family dynamic in a way that is so familiar that it's almost exposing or revealing when considering how accurate it can be to your own personal situation. I think that's the fun and benefit of studying the family though! Having all the parts exposed good and bad, and understanding how to improve or how you have improved.

      Out of these four theories, I want focus on the family system theory because as I studied it, it became a literal gold mine of information. Consider for starters a system that operates in a homeostatic manner and can adjust to varying conditions or inputs, like a car, or an air conditioning system. These are engineered to adapt and not quit when things change through time, they always adjust to new situations. Like those examples a family is also a system with moving parts that are interrelated and constantly changing. The family system may not have a switch like an air conditioner, but it will respond to stimuli as it's presented. The way a family reaches homeostasis is through established rules and regulations developed between the different members of that family. These can be known as meta-rules and they determine how everyone should act in most situations. From an outside view most families have small little rules that the members hold each other to. I.e. no elbows on the table, no swearing, everyone attends church. The family system operates as everyone adheres to those principles. If someone stops or goes around the rules, the family will need to change or break some old habits to regain that proper homeostasis.

      So why is this so important to you or I? Well, get this, every family and individual is different! Gasp. I know right! 

      It's crucial to understand that people grow up in homes where rules are particular to their situation. In my life I was always expected to avoid shopping on Sundays for example. It was a rule that came culturally and our family adopted it. When I grew into adulthood and had roommates and friends that would invite me to go to the mall or snowboard on Sunday I would have to say, "No I can't do that, that's a rule that is important to me." Why would I choose to follow this rule even as an individual that can think for himself? Well because it was a meta rule that effected my family system that I adopted through life. It is almost unthinkable to consider breaking that because it's part of ME.

       Understanding this is so vital for everyone. When two families are merge into one for example, through marriage or other means. All individuals will be faced with a new set of rules, dynamics, personalities and growth. So, when each side learns the new rules that the new members held dear, it is vital to respect and try to understand where they are coming from. Eventually, I believe that new difficult situations will blow over, new rules will form, and the systems homeostasis will return. 

       It's crazy how much just a theory can change perception or attitude. I know my ideas on how a family works have changed drastically from this information. I now have more patience with my roommates and feel more understanding considering other peoples rules and boundaries. It has become easier for me to recognize and adhere to other peoples rules as a sign of respect and hopes of homeostasis. I hope that each of you can enjoy the fruit that can come from a better understanding of these topics. I tried to do them justice in my own incomplete way, but you can read more into these topics in the book‘Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy’ by Lauer & Lauer. 

        Thanks again for reading, love ya'll. 😊

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